投稿者 佐藤雅彦 日時 2001 年 11 月 21 日 12:45:47:
世界中のメディアが嬉々として報じ、米国とその追従国が恐怖した「ウサマ・ビン・ラディンが原爆開発している証拠文書」は、有名な科学オチョクリ雑誌に20年以上前に掲載された冗談記事だったことが発覚！ インチキ情報で世界を踊らせたメディアと、踊らされた阿呆政治屋どもは揃いも揃って原爆級の“自爆”。（笑）
●あの“世界的に大評判”（笑）の教科書を作り上げた某新聞社が、先日、こんなオドロオドロしい記事をデカデカと掲げました――
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アルカーイダ、長崎型原爆を研究か
産経新聞
【ロンドン１５日＝共同】
十五日付の英紙タイムズは、アフガニスタンの首都カブール市内にあるウサマ・ビンラーディン氏のテロ組織アルカーイダの拠点から、長崎型原爆に似た方式で核爆発を起こす方法や、化学兵器、ミサイルなどを研究した書類が見つかった、と報じた。
十二日夜の北部同盟軍のカブール制圧に伴い、アルカーイダが放棄した市内四カ所の拠点のうち二カ所で同紙記者が書類を見つけた。
書類には１ＴＮＴ火薬の爆発でプルトニウムに熱核反応を起こさせる装置の研究２化学兵器や核弾頭の発射、ミサイルの推進方法３小型爆弾の製造方法４欧米特殊部隊の人質解放作戦−などがアラビア語、ドイツ語、ウルドゥー語、英語で書かれ、焼却しようとしたらしく一部燃えていた。
核専門家らは書類の図解などから、ビンラーディン氏が、米国が長崎に投下した原爆と同種の核分裂装置を研究していた可能性があるとみている。実際に核弾頭を製造するのは極めて困難だが、タイムズ紙は「テロリストたちがそれを目指しているのは明白だ」と指摘している。
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ついでに日刊スポーツの記事も紹介しておきましょう。
サンケイの記事の末尾の３行が、こちらは削られているようですね――
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アルカイダ、長崎型原爆研究？
１５日付の英紙タイムズは、アフガニスタンの首都カブール市内にあるビンラディン氏のテロ組織アルカイダの拠点から、長崎型原爆に似た方式で核爆発を起こす方法や、化学兵器、ミサイルなどを研究した書類が見つかった、と報じた。
１２日夜の北部同盟軍のカブール制圧に伴い、アルカイダが放棄した市内４カ所の拠点のうち２カ所で同紙記者が書類を見つけた。
書類には（１）ＴＮＴ火薬の爆発でプルトニウムに熱核反応を起こさせる装置の研究（２）化学兵器や核弾頭の発射、ミサイルの推進方法（３）小型爆弾の製造方法（４）欧米特殊部隊の人質解放作戦−などがアラビア語、ドイツ語、ウルドゥー語、英語で書かれ、焼却しようとしたらしく一部燃えていた。
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●ロンドン『タイムズ』といえば、100年ほど前に南アフリカでボーア戦争を仕掛けたことだけでなく、歴代の英国政府に影響力を行使してきた“大英帝国プロパガンダ部”として有名ですが、先週、そこの記者が、カブールの「アルカイダの隠れ家」なる場所から「原爆の作り方」文書を発見した、として大々的な恐怖キャンペーンを張ったわけでした。
●アルカイダが原爆開発に関心を持っているとすれば、イラク、ロシア、そしてひいては世界の果てにある北朝鮮からも（笑）秘密のアドバイスを受けていたのではないか……。戦争がしたくてしたくてモウ私タマンナイという戦争淫乱症の白病棟（White House）患者たちは、こんな淫らな妄想を全開させて、イラクにも自慢の太いやつをブチこんでやるぞコノヤロー、とばかりに鼻息を荒げていたのです。
●ところが、こうして戦争への淫らな色欲を膨らませているさなかに、問題の『原爆製造マニュアル』の正体が露呈してしまいました。
●米国のノーベル賞受賞者たちが、冗談で続けている「大馬鹿ノーベル賞」（Ig Nobel Prize）という表彰イベントがあるのですが、その母体となってきた科学パロディ雑誌『二度と繰り返したくない研究成果ジャーナル』に79年に掲載された「原爆はこうして作れ」という記事だった……というわけ。
●おそらくアルカイダの連中は、「How to make the atomic bomb」というキーワードで引っかかった
インターネット・サイトをかたっぱしからダウンロードして、“紙焼き”でもしておいたんでしょうな。
●それにしても、こういう冗談を冗談とも理解できず、「お空が落ちてくるよ〜こわいよ〜」とばかりに空騒ぎを繰り広げたメディアと、それに踊らされて「ほら言わんこっちゃない、アルカイダはコワイのよ〜」と恫喝して世間を踊らせた政治屋どもの馬鹿さ加減は、もはや「文明」などと名乗る資格なしですな。（笑） ……なにせ今回の冗談事件で揃って自爆ですもん。ドッカ〜ン。（爆笑）
●以下に、この戦慄すべき事実――戦慄を覚えているのはアルカイダに一杯食わされた「アルカイダよりも数段知力に劣った」自称“文明国”の戦争淫乱症患者ども、でしょうけど――を報じたワイアード・ニュースの記事と、問題の「原爆製造マニュアル」全文を紹介しておきます。
●ちなみに、この「原爆製造マニュアル」には、次のような姉妹記事が紹介されています――
Let's Make Test Tube Babies! May, 1979
Let's Make a Solar System! June, 1979
Let's Make an Economic Recession! July, 1979
Let's Make an Anti-Gravity Machine! August, 1979
Let's Make Contact with an Alien Race! September, 1979
アルカイダがもしこれらを実行したら、試験管ベイビーも、太陽系も、景気後退も、反重力マシンも作り出し、果てはエイリアンとコンタクトしていたでしょうから、世界はタイヘンなことになっていたでしょうな。（爆笑）
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http://www.wired.com/news/culture/0,1284,48523,00.html
WIRED NEWS
Osama's Nuclear Plans Half-Baked
By Farhad Manjoo
2:00 a.m. Nov. 20, 2001 PST
In 1979, a smart-aleck writer at the science humor publication the Journal of Irreproducible Results drew up a simple recipe for world destruction.
This fellow's obviously facetious piece -- called Let's Make a Thermonuclear Device! in the Journal's "Weekend Scientist" series -- purported to detail the ten steps involved in making an atom bomb, from obtaining "weapons grade Plutonium at your local supplier" to "hiding the completed device from your neighbors and children."
To anyone's knowledge, these plans do not accurately specify how to make a nuclear weapon. But British reporters searching through an abandoned "al-Qaida safe house" in Kabul, Afghanistan, last week apparently found the document, and reported that they'd stumbled upon the terrorists' nuclear intentions.
In a Nov. 15 article in the Times of London, journalist Anthony Loyd writes that next to "physics and chemistry manuals devoted to molecular matter," he discovered this document, much of which had him confused:
"The vernacular quickly spun out of my comprehension," he wrote. But some of it even Loyd could comprehend: "There were phrases through the mass of chemical symbols and physics jargon that anyone could understand, including notes on how the detonation of TNT compresses plutonium into a critical mass producing a nuclear chain reaction and eventually a thermonuclear reaction."
This bit about TNT compression and "critical mass" is an unmistakable reference to the following passage in the Journal piece, which is widely published on the Internet under the title How To Build an Atom Bomb:
"The device basically works when the detonated TNT compresses the Plutonium into a critical mass. The critical mass then produces a nuclear chain reaction similar to the domino chain reaction (discussed in this column, "Dominos on the March," March 1968). The chain reaction then promptly produces a big thermonuclear reaction. And there you have it, a 10-megaton explosion!"
The similarity of the two passages was first caught by the weird news site The Daily Rotten, which featured image captures of the document taken from a TV report filed by BBC correspondent John Simpson.
That the Taliban, al-Qaida or the enterprising Brit reporters could have mistaken this Internet antic for a true nuke recipe surprised Marc Abrahams, a former editor of the now-defunct Journal, who edits a successor publication called The Annals of Improbable Research (sponsor of the Ig Nobel awards).
"Pretty much every line of it is a joke," Abrahams said. "Either there's one guy in the Taliban who had a sense of humor, or everyone was downloading everything on the Net that had the word 'thermonuclear' in it."
Abrahams is right; even if you know nothing about science, you'd have to be a few electrons short of an atom to think the piece was serious. For example, here's step two in the process:
"Please remember that Plutonium, especially pure, refined Plutonium, is somewhat dangerous. Wash your hands with soap and warm water after handling the material, and don't allow your children or pets to play in it or eat it. Any leftover Plutonium dust is excellent as an insect repellant. You may wish to keep the substance in a lead box if you can find one in your local junk yard, but an old coffee can will do nicely."
And here's the last step: "Now you are the proud owner of a working thermonuclear device! It is a great ice-breaker at parties, and in a pinch, can be used for national defense."
John Simpson, the BBC reporter, is already being skewered in London over a blunder he committed earlier last week. In a report from the newly Taliban-free Kabul, Simpson bizarrely suggested that the BBC -- and not the Northern Alliance or the United States -- should take credit for the victory.
"It was only BBC people who liberated this city. I can't tell you what a joy it was. I felt very proud of an organization that could push forward ahead of the rest," he said.
Another reporter, interviewed by Reuters, said of Simpson's statement: "One can think of all sorts of comparisons between John Simpson and a B-52 bomber, but it's clear which did the most damage in pushing back the Taliban."
Simpson subsequently apologized for his statement, saying he felt "very, very, very embarrassed" over it, according to reports in the British press.
The BBC and the Times could not be reached for comment to see how their reporters might have been fooled by the Journal piece, and whether they were similarly embarrassed.
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http://winn.com/bs/atombomb.html
How To Build An Atom Bomb
The following paper is taken from The Journal of Irreproducible Results, Volume 25/Number 4/1979. P.O. Box 234 Chicago Heights, Illinois 60411
１．INTRODUCTION
Worldwide controversy has been generated recently from several court decisions in the United States which have restricted popular magazines from printing articles which describe how to make an atomic bomb. The reason usually given by the courts is that national security would be compromised if such information were generally available. But, since it is commonly known that all of the information is publicly available in most major metropolitan libraries, obviously the court's officially stated position is covering up a more important factor; namely, that such atomic devices would prove too difficult for the average citizen to construct. The United States courts cannot afford to insult the vast majorities by insinuating that they do not have the intelligence of a cabbage, and thus the "official" press releases claim national security as a blanket restriction.
The rumors that have unfortunately occurred as a result of widespread misinformation can (and must) be cleared up now, for the construction project this month is the construction of a thermonuclear device, which will hopefully clear up any misconceptions you might have about such a project. We will see how easy it is to make a device of your very own in ten easy steps, to have and hold as you see fit, without annoying interference from the government or the courts.
The project will cost between $5,000 and $30,000, depending on how fancy you want the final product to be. Since last week's column, "Let's Make a Time Machine", was received so well in the new step-by-step format, this month's column will follow the same format.
２．CONSTRUCTION METHOD
【1】First, obtain about 50 pounds (110 kg) of weapons grade Plutonium at your local supplier (see NOTE 1). A nuclear power plant is not recommended, as large quantities of missing Plutonium tends to make plant engineers unhappy. We suggest that you contact your local terrorist organization, or perhaps the Junior Achievement in your neighborhood.
【2】Please remember that Plutonium, especially pure, refined Plutonium, is somewhat dangerous. Wash your hands with soap and warm water after handling the material, and don't allow your children or pets to play in it or eat it. Any left over Plutonium dust is excellent as an insect repellant. You may wish to keep the substance in a lead box if you can find one in your local junk yard, but an old coffee can will do nicely.
【3】Fashion together a metal enclosure to house the device. Most common varieties of sheet metal can be bent to disguise this enclosure as, for example, a briefcase, a lunch pail, or a Buick. Do not use tinfoil.
【4】Arrange the Plutonium into two hemispheral shapes, separated by about 4 cm. Use rubber cement to hold the Plutonium dust together.
【5】Now get about 100 pounds (220 kg) of trinitrotoluene (TNT). Gelignite is much better, but messier to work with. Your helpful hardware man will be happy to provide you with this item.
【6】Pack the TNT around the hemisphere arrangement constructed in step 4. If you cannot find Gelignite, fell free to use TNT packed in with Playdo or any modeling clay. Colored clay is acceptable, but there is no need to get fancy at this point.
【7】Enclose the structure from step 6 into the enclosure made in step 3. Use a strong glue such as "Crazy Glue" to bind the hemisphere arrangement against the enclosure to prevent accidental detonation which might result from vibration or mishandling.
【8】To detonate the device, obtain a radio controlled (RC) servo mechanism, as found in RC model airplanes and cars. With a modicum of effort, a remote plunger can be made that will strike a detonator cap to effect a small explosion. These detonatior caps can be found in the electrical supply section of your local supermarket. We recommend the "Blast-O-Mactic" brand because they are no deposit-no return.
【9】Now hide the completed device from the neighbors and children. The garage is not recommended because of high humidity and the extreme range of temperatures experienced there. Nuclear devices have been known to spontaneously detonate in these unstable conditions. The hall closet or under the kitchen sink will be perfectly suitable.
【10】Now you are the proud owner of a working thermonuclear device! It is a great ice-breaker at parties, and in a pinch, can be used for national defense.
３．THEORY OF OPERATION
The device basically works when the detonated TNT compresses the Plutonium into a critical mass. The critical mass then produces a nuclear chain recation similar to the domino chain reaction (discussed in this column, "Dominos on the March", March, 1968). The chain reaction then promptly produces a big thermonuclear reaction. And there you have it, a 10 megaton explosion!
４．NEXT MONTH'S COLUMN
In next month's column, we will learn how to clone your neighbor's wife in six easy steps. This project promises to be an exciting weekend full of fun and profit. Common kitchen utensils will be all you need. See you next month!
５．NOTES
1. Plutonium (PU), atomic number 94, is a radioactive metallic element formed by the decay of Neptunium and is similar in chemical structure to Uranium, Saturium, Jupiternium, and Marisum.
PREVIOUS MONTH'S COLUMNS
Let's Make Test Tube Babies! May, 1979
Let's Make a Solar System! June, 1979
Let's Make an Economic Recession! July, 1979
Let's Make an Anti-Gravity Machine! August, 1979
Let's Make Contact with an Alien Race! September, 1979
題名には必ず「阿修羅さんへ」と記述してください。